Lick it again.

Making an entrance is one of my favorite things while on a date. And I think this time I did. The place: ROCKWALL restaurant, at the intersection of Mkomani Road and Nyali Road. It was me and Rubina entering the restaurant at 8:20pm. I saw an empty table near the railings close to the edge where vehicles pass beneath, and I motioned her to it. All eyes were on us, and that excited me. Temperatures were fairly friendly and this barbecue place was a perfect romantic place to have a dinner. Soft jazz could be heard from far and there were colored neon lights above.

I started preparing for tonight at 4 in the afternoon when the barber cut off a chunk of my hair to remain with a smart amount. I went to take my lucky clothes from the dry cleaners' and by five thirty I was on a bath prepared with scented effervescent soap. I wanted everything to be perfect, and good preparations leads to perfection. Nike sneakers and an expensive French cologne were my closer for the preparations. I was ready.

Rubina was a girl I worked with. She headed the marketing department and her residence was Oleander drive in Nyali. We saw each other every working day in the office and she would turn down every dinner offer I extended to her. I did not give up easily. I Kept sending romantic poems to her inbox and whenever a chance occurred to chat like tea break time, I would tell her one joke or another so that she thinks I'm a cool guy. She was a half caste, some would say Kenindia. She wore her curly hair short, just above her shoulders. Dimples accessorized her pretty face. Slim like a runway model. And a social kinda girl because she was easy to talk to, although she maintained that its her principle to refrain from dating anyone in the office. She was always dressed nice. This night she had put on a light pink blouse and a black jeans that accents her downward curvature. My friends Dominic and Hassan used to make fun of me for chasing a will-o-the wisp, but I guess this is my time to ask whose laughing now? Rubina agreed after a year and a half, but she said it would be a friendly date.

Getting a date from a classy woman is fulfilling, even if it wont go further than that. It adds up to our Bonga points. Its a plus just being seen with them in public. Although this was supposed to be a friendly out, I convinced myself if I do everything right, say the right words, perhaps I would hit a home run tonight. Hence the finer build up for the date of the century. I have been on night outs before, I knew the etiquette. But this one was more special to me, and it made me a little bit uneasy.

I drew back the chair for her like a gentleman then went to sit opposite. I looked at her face and showed her that I was happy by my smile. The waiter arrived and we ordered roast chicken and boiled rice with a variety of Indian spicy stews. We asked for orange and tamarind drinks as we wait for our main course. I tried my usual funny chit chat and between the laughs, I extended my hand and placed it on top of her's at the table. It was an innocent touch, just to see if a heartfelt message could be relayed from me to her. “We are not gonna happen Dinho, lets not throw away what we have.” she told me. I withdrew and decided to reserve my cards for later. Food was brought. Although I'm used to eating with my hands, I used the forks and knives today. It wasn't easy for me and I had a feeling she was laughing at me internally, though I couldn't see it on her face. This cutlery thing was taking away my Bonga points.

I really liked this girl. So much that I was patient to her for over a year. What stood between us was her principle. And maybe she did not like me romantically, but at some points I hated myself for being fond of somebody who does not show signs of giving in to me. Was it so much to expect love from a beautiful lady? I looked across the road beneath, there was a red car parked on the other side on the pavement. The driver's glass went down then someone waved at me. I looked and found out it was Dominic and Hassan that were in. We had company, or stalkers, or interested parties.

This added more pressure. I had bragged to them on several occasions in the office for my seduction prowess. I guess they were here to witness me going all the way. Rubina was proving hard, so I guess if I will reach third base later in the night, it would be enough for a story to my peeps. Halfway through the course, my hands started trembling from the pressure I felt. I knocked down the glass of tamarind juice and the liquid was all over my abdomen part of the trouser. I excused myself and went to the gents. By now anger was building up. Why was this happening to me? This was supposed to be a perfect night that would lead to somebody getting laid easily out of classy courtesy if not for love. I advised myself to pull myself together or else kiss even the second base goodbye. I cant afford being called a loser.

I returned back to the table and most of other eaters were looking at me with pity. Well, don't. Whose got the fairest of all here tonight? I asked them within myself. Most of them were jealous and wondered how could I get such a dame? We finished our food and ice cream dessert followed shortly after. I wondered if her kiss would be as sweet as this Pistachio flavor. After all the things that went wrong on this date, I made the mistake of resorting to pity seduction style. “Well, you don't want this. But what about me? What about my heart that will forever be loving you?” my game was crippled. I had to fall back to this. She stood her ground and proceeded to explain how office romance is not a good idea. She mentioned so many things that will be put into jeopardy if we did it. After this, I kept reaching for my hanky every minute to wipe off the never ending sweat. The spicy Indian stew had also gotten the better of me and my tongue felt like taking a dive in the Indian ocean. My composure was shattered, I tried to hold myself firmly.

After we were done, we both went to the cashier but she was fast in making the payment. I tried to stop her but she wouldn't budge. I felt embarrassed, as Africans we men are supposed to foot the bill. We got into the company car that I was using for this date and drove her back home. I escorted her to the doorstep and a glimpse back revealed the Red car parked across beside a short branched tree. They were following us. They wouldn't stop. They had to make sure of the finality of my date. As I stood at the doorstep, I knew there was no chance of future romance between me and Rubina. I stood silent for a while expecting she would at least invite me in for coffee, out of pity. But she was careful not to send mixed signals. Last but not least, I asked if I could use her bathroom to empty my bowels. The act of getting in would save my face from my Hawk friends who would be very eager and judgmental when they tell me “We told you so.” on Monday at work.

Rubina did not fall for it. Instead, she gave a childish peck on the cheek and told me Good night pal. Thanks for the outing, we should do this again sometime. My last desperate attempt was to ask her to please let me in for about fifteen minutes until my friends are gone and I would pay her five thousand shillings. This upset her. She banged the door behind me without saying a word. I had lost a friend. But most importantly, I had been debased.

Venus' flytrap

I had called my friend Ahmedinho upon the second morning after Christmas. He was lounging upon the sofa in a purple dressing gown. Crumpled papers on a small table within his reach upon the right, and a pen on his hand. "Welcome Masanga." He gave the glad hand. "You couldn't have come at a better time. Look what I've got here, an electronic mouse. Though toys are only to be used by kids, I have a feeling they can be useful to adults in some cases.” I wasn't amused by toys, so I nodded to indicate to him its enough about it and we buried ourselves into catch up talk, as it had been six months since we saw each other last.

For months I have been bugging Ahmedinho to send me new stories because I was so much addicted. These were real life stories, I guess that was why many of us were drawn to them. Last time I was in Ratna square I witnessed first hand a motorcycle trick. He had given a ride to a hot girl that was perched behind him on the honda. Before they went, he kept releasing the clutch to initiate motion then holding the brakes cleverly to make the girl move on a forward motion and land her bosom on his back. When he did it fast a bit, the girl held on to her very tight. He smiled and winked at me as I laughed my heart out.

Very funny. Grown up boys develop these urges to hold a girl's hand, be seen strolling with her or just the pleasure of a hug. Its silly, but it gives a wonderful feeling. We come up with funny tricks to enable us extend an innocent touch to the girl. After all, we are men. We are the ones who are expected to make advances. We have to do something to get noticed by the girl first otherwise we will be sentenced to dreams. Anyway, He told me he had retired with the stories and was thinking about visiting a Gulf jobs agency to register and find a job overseas. Well it seemed I had to pay him a visit again and witness the love sagas for myself.

“There's a new girl in Ratna,” Ahmedinho told me. “Her name is Ruweida, they have just moved in to the last house on the corner. I tried to make a move yesterday while she was returning from the supermarket, but she showed disinterest.” Post secondary school holiday was an idle time we had to have fun, travel the country and hook up with new dames. At first I thought Ahmedinho was after this girl because of boredom, but later found out he really liked her. What was he going to do if the girl doesn't?

I had the chance of seeing this talk of the town Ruweida in the evening while she was going out. She was something. Not so short and she had a good African behind. Her face was pretty and peaceful, and she walked slowly as a person who thinks into life so much. Ahmedinho stopped to greet her again and told her that his sister was interested in having her as a new friend. Where is your sister now? Ruweida asked. Oh, she has gone to town but if you don't mind, tomorrow is Sunday. She could take you to Mombasa beach which is our nearby retreat every Sunday. Ahmedinho replied. She agreed suspiciously and then went away.

The day after, I was eager to see which sister of him had agreed to go out with Ruweida to pun on a good word for my friend. Shortly after two in the the afternoon, Ahmedinho disappeared into the bedroom and then came out a very beautiful angel. I was surprised. No one else had entered that bedroom since yesterday when I came. This girl. This beautiful girl.... She had a long dress that went down to her ankles. A tightened strip to mark where the waist was. Her hair was not so long and the face looked exceptionally smooth. She had however hidden those sexy eyes behind dark shades of spectacles. I had to look at her ten times to realize that it was not a girl. It was him, Ahmedinho, up to a new trick. He had shaved clean his beard and moustache, put on some sponge material in his chest to take the place of breasts. He had even applied some make up to perfect his guise. I swayed my head sadly. Theater had lost a fine actor, even the literature world had lost a good short story writer when he decided to become a truck driver chasing sandstorms in the desert of The Middle east.

Ahmedinho's sister was himself. He went to pick up Ruweida and after a ten minutes Matatu drive we were on the beach. I kept myself far from them lest she should suspect anything. They seemed to enjoy. He bought her juice and groundnuts that hawkers sold on the shore. The purpose of this adventure must have been to get inside information about the girl. Her likes, dislikes, hobbies, et cetera. They laughed and strolled and played with the sand. But did not get to swim in the ocean. Close to sunset, they were on their way back. Ahmedinho escorted her to her door. They hugged, and it seemed a very hearty hug. She had accepted Ahmedinho's sister in her heart very fast. But after a minute I saw Ruweida pushing him apart. She seemed perplexed and angry and she was stealing glances at Ahmedinho's abdomen. I found out what happened and couldnt stop myself from laughing. Ahmedinho's snake could not resist the feelings that roamed from the beautiful girl to him during the hug and Mr. Ahmedinho rose up!

How surprising the lengths boys go to get to impress girls. All that effort, just to get to know what to do so that she would like him. It was a sad evening. We tried movies and music videos but he seemed far away from this planet. I tried to cheer him up. “At least you know some things and secrets about her. You can use them to push the right buttons and make her forgive you.” I suggested. We slept past midnight. And when I woke up in the morning, Ahmedinho was not in the sitting room. He came back at around 10 looking happy, I knew he had gone to talk to Ruweida and he was finally forgiven. “Ruweida is coming for lunch here.” He told me. For the next half an hour, we tried to clean the rooms and put everything in order because Ruweida said she would be early because to cook for us.

She arrived on time and Ahmedinho introduced me by name Abdalla Mwidadi, Nickname: Masanga. We had an early lunch of Macaroni and minced mutton. Then I retired to the bedroom to give them space. Something alien came into my head after fifteen minutes. It was curiosity. And it sent me to the bedroom door to peep at Ahmedinho and Ruweida. Just in time, I saw his hand back on the sofa releasing the electronic mouse. In a minute, the mouse was on sight and Ruweida jumped up on the sofa and Ahmedinho rose up too to hold her. She cried about the mouse while Ahmedinho consoled while she was in his arms. He must be really enjoying this, I thought. “Don't worry my dear, nothing will happen to you, I'm here.” said Ahmedinho with a deep brave voice. Ruweida didn't feel safe and she took one cushion and jumped with it to the mouse. Cracking sound was heard. After raising the cushion up, the toy was exposed. And the schemer too.

I wondered why Ahmedinho did not stop with the tricks if the girl had accepted friendship. He started apologizing again. He explained to her that he had done all that because he had fallen in love with her. He wanted to be ahead of the competition in Ratna and win her first. He gave a very serious look and seriously said he loved her. Ruweida nodded and replied that if Ahmedinho did this to her extended hand in friendship, what more worse could be awaiting her deep in the perceived relationship? She finally said with a sad tone “Ahmedinho, good bye.”

"But.......'' Ejaculated Ahmedinho as he was raising up. His head turned east then west, he raised his hands up as a person who has been deeply hurt. With a thud, he fell down on the floor and his legs kept kicking for a minute. Ruweida rushed to him to see what had happened to him. She then called my name loudly "Masanga! Masanga!'' Without hesitating, i rushed into the sitting room and saw my friend lying down in a pitiable state as if he had fainted. She was dead worried and kept asking "what is it? Should we call a doctor? Does this occur to him often?'' I suggested to Ruweida that she should try mouth to mouth. Its a first aid procedure, known to work, and I knew my friend is dying to get it. Ruweida said she doesn't know that procedure and asked me to do it. I did not. To me who knew my pal very well, was sure that he had neither fainted nor anything was wrong. Ruweida told me she can’t wait and she was going to look for help immediately. In a few seconds Ahmedinho rose up. "Oh Masanga, this is the greatest failure i have ever experienced after playing all my top cards. I don’t feel good now, and i think I'll hate this place for sometime. I'm going away for a few months to relax and hide. You can remain here for as long as you like but I have to disappear.''

I thought of this heartbreaking piece of drama which had just happened, and the funny nature behind it. until the comical side of it overpowered any feeling of pity that i burst into a roar of laughter as Ahmedinho was making an exit from the apartment. From that day i kept advising every person who comes my way to seek an opinion about my accomplice Ahmedinho to "watch out! he is a very good actor. And next time................ he might act on you.”

Where the line is.

There is a line in the romantic faculty that discriminates ingenuity from fake. Lies from truth. Love and lust. This line is not imaginary, but invisible. We are supposed to learn and recognize this line to secure ourselves from heart breaks. Self inflicted heartbreaks just because we didn't learn the rules.

Asha and I were were very good friends. Everyone in the neighborhood mistook us for lovers. Once we were outside under a friends window who happened to hear, or eavesdrop our conversation and he came blaming me for arousing hopes that I was bound to disappoint. It was late afternoon. Asha had finished her chores and came to give me company in the shade I was seated. I told Asha her beauty has increased threefold since the morning when I last saw her. She gave me a look with a smile that suggested she wasn't falling for it. I proceeded telling her I turned out a job in Nairobi because I would be far from her. She immediately replied that I failed the interview. And that was why I was still stuck in this Ratna neighborhood. I took her hand then asked, where would I be without you? You are the rose in my bush. She turned to face me and said, yeah right! I bet i'm your oxygen too. She then continued telling me that I was the most handsome guy in Ratna. She then touched my biceps and asked me if I was working out?

I laughed. Knowing that the game was over. The biceps could be true, but most handsome? She was playing my game. That was flirting. And we both knew it. Flirting is not supposed to come with a warning sign. We feel it and know it in it's inception. Men flirt, and ladies too. And ladies are better than men in it. Occasionally, a woman will cry foul that she has been lied to. But its not true, the woman should be conversant with her male-female urban interaction culture before she starts throwing blame to others. Liars intent gets you into bed, and they don't stop until they do. With flirts, it ends just there where you are standing.

With Fatma, it was a different story. After we were done with the dinner, I told her of how her eyes scared me a little to say what I was about to. Its delicate for me, but I wont find peace by keeping what I feel under lock and key. On hearing these words, she changed her demeanor from joyous to seriously attentive. You are a very beautiful girl with an admirable respect for everyone. I'm proud when I'm seen with you. I like taking walks with you. But that's the least, what I like most is your company. I miss you the minute we say goodbye, its like my heart finds peace when I'm with you. Something is lacking in this heart, and I think it will be complete when it knows it has you.

That is seduction. You are not flirting, you don't want the talk to end there on the street. If you are lucky, you get laid. But this is never intended to trick the woman. The man is really attracted to the lady, and his intention is not evil. He wont dump her after getting into bed. He wants the girl to be his girl. Usually seductive talk is more sweet and concentrated than flirting. But flirting appears to be more artistic.

Between these two, there's something called complimenting. A lot of ladies want to label this flirting but its not. When reality manifests, they think they have been conned. Can't a man or a friend say that you've got luscious lips and mean just that? Can't one say you have a sexy body without flirting or seducing you? Women have different beauty strengths. And a gentleman like me would like to tell you how lucky you are to have those protruding hips. Those sleepy eyes. We are not lying to you. Its true you are attractive and cute. But its not necessarily an advance when we utter these words. Its not seduction, its not flirting, its not lying. This is what is called, complimenting. It means we acknowledge that you are gorgeous without us having the predator prey feeling.

After the historic heartbreak of my my life, I decided to give myself a definite time to stay away from serious relationships. I had done that resolve before, but this time I had more experience and wiser. I knew insufficient love when I saw it. I knew settling for love. And I knew love Is not enough. I kept my eyes wide open and offered myself the position of an observer in the love arena. This time, it would take magic to get me to fall in love. I am sure I had enough strength to kick away love even if it proved true and my heart fell for it. Such strength, no romantic person could believe its so easy.

This was the time I met Buthaina. A half Arab half African who worked in Manama, Bahrain. We met on social media. its easy for Kenyans working abroad to connect, especially those of us working in the middle east. We became friends, then we became close friends. We began discussing relationships, why girls act in a way in some situations and she would ask me about men too. We got these perspectives from each other to give us an edge and understand our catch better the next time we engage. We were so open to each other that it scared me a little. After two weeks, we laid out ground rules for us so that we do not get carried away. Buthaina had her share of heartbreaks same as mine. And after we were clear, one day I flirted with her and she jumped up to ask what was going on? I explained to her, its a simple thing to call her my dear. She didn't seem to know this game pretty well, so I went further to explain that stars are stars and her eyes are her eyes. When the two are brought together using a simile tool, its flirting. I gave other examples of people saying they cant eat or sleep because of loving a woman. All that is flirting and its open. Its easily recognized.

After, I thought flirting could bring us more arguments. So I thought it would be better to do it in very minimal amounts. She is a gorgeous woman. I know this from pictures she sent me that reveal more than her Facebook pictures. The first time I called and heard her voice, I was mesmerized. Such sweetness that I could not describe. This was something I could not keep quiet to. So I complimented her. On her dreamy voice, attractive lips. Cute face. And that smokin body I saw in her picture wearing only a light blouse and a short jeans.

She is a modest woman, humble and girly. I kept complimenting on her alluring goodies and she kept dismissing them for flirtations. I asked her what I should do to make her believe me, and she said she believed words in a poem. I wrote her an emotional one complimenting her beauty and how I was drawn to it. She fell for it. Maybe she fell for me before in our conversations but this seemed to have closed the deal. Next, she was giving me signs of affection and love. I had to be blind to them because this is something I had warned her about before. It became intense until one day she said she could not keep it any longer and that she is in love with me. She said she is not asking for anything, and that her love is enough for both of us.

I looked at this girl from what her friends say about her and her own talk. She is a good girl. Naughty in a safe way, but good. She understands life more than average girls. And on her height and curves and bust, no contest. But I looked at the promise I made to myself. I'm still on the holiday I gave myself. Moreover, I had decided to lean away from distant relationships. I looked at a picture of the girl and I said to myself, I will probably regret this later in my life. An irresistible woman who was good in character, and I let her go? Probably I was the most foolish of men, but this time I had decided to go with my head and principle rather than follow my falling heart. I fell for her, probably she wont know this because I wont say it to her. But I have convinced myself that I did nothing wrong in the process of the game. Did not lie, did not seduce, did not flirt. My compliments seemed like seduction according to how close we had gotten.

Her heart was broken, but she is a big girl. We are still close friends and we continue chatting, calling and sending each other pictures. This time we flirt and she is beginning to like it too. Maybe we will find love on different paths someday. Maybe fate will drive us to crossroads. But as long as the rules of the game are engraved in our consciousness, We will tread with caution and respect the line.