Two hours had passed while I was
standing, facing this door. I used to think it was a beautiful door.
Made from Camphor and had dark varnish painted on. But now, the four
stars curved in plus the varnish color was beginning to make me
nauseous. I had knocked and apologized and explained myself but
still, Salwa refused to open the door for me. My phone showed fifteen
minutes to nine. “Salwa, what if I promise not to say a word, open
the door so that I can watch the nine o'clock news. Please.?” I
pleaded. “What about after the news, will you then go and leave me
alone?” she asked. I answered Yes but she could see the lie right
through the word. “Go watch the news at your place.” she
stubbornly suggested.
Salwa and I have been seeing each
other for nine weeks. She is the kind of a girl that when you had,
you would grab every chance you get to show her off to your friends
and workmates, and rivals. She had a sweet fair face with slightly
protruding cheekbones. Her eyes were big, not so big though. And
staring at her face quenched whatever stress I was going through at
the time. Earlier that afternoon, she walked in on me on a salon
taking pictures with a fan. The girl was sitting on my lap while her
left hand was around my shoulder. And I had taken her waist tenderly
as one who was really enjoying it. My girlfriend, Salwa, was gorgeous
but I was a star. Many on social media knew the poetry prowess I had
in me, and from time to time I got invitations to drinks and parties.
This bothered Salwa much and at last I did not inform her whenever I
went to meet fans. I must say, I never slept or kissed any of these
girls while I was going out with Salwa. So faithful and committed of
me.
“When are you planning to open the
door, don't you think three hours is enough?” I asked in a tired
tone. “This is not a punishment Ahmedinho, I just don't want to see
you. I'm done.” this last sentence was disheartening. I still
collected my courage because I didn't want to believe this could be
the end of us. I had carried Salwa on the bosom of my heart. I
envisioned a life of forever with her. Her beauty, and knowing she is
mine makes me happy. I knew I had to keep fighting and going on.
“Salwa, you know I love you. But look at how busy you are. We
hardly see each other during the day.” I thought maybe finding a
way to bring the blame to her might do a successful trick. “What of
your work acquaintances and workmates? You are with them the whole
day and I have never asked or shown doubt. Because I trust. You see
me on a photo-shoot and you act like you have seen me in bed with the
girl.”
“Now that we are not together, you
can have all the photo-shoots you want, without guilt. The fact that
you keep these things from me, means there's something going on.
Maybe not fornication, but I cant stand the idea that my man is
ogling and entertaining admiration for other girls. I want to feel
I'm the only one. Even if its selfish and unreasonable. I fell for
you, and hoped that you are the man of my dreams. But clearly you are
not.” stubbornly she replied. And a clever one. The blame game did
not seem to be working here. I strained my mind to think what next?
Neighbors of Salwa had begun returning
from their night outs. It was ten thirty, and I was sitting outside
the door to Salwa's apartment, on the floor. My legs had given in.
Some said hello while others just opened their doors and got in. The
thought of calling it quits passed my mind for a second, but
considering what I was going to loose, I promised myself to fight to
the last breath.
“Do you remember the first time we
met?” I asked. “Yes I do. Did I say thank you for the Kachiri?”
she asked too. I could sense that she was situated not so far from
the door, and the anger had dialed down. It was on a Sunday, the day
we met at Mama Ngina drive. I was with my cousin Ali 'Bush” form
Mtongwe. The place is filled with snack vendors on Sundays. There are
Mishkaki, Kachiri, Mabuyu, Ice cream, Madafu,
cold drinks, fried cassava and many more. I saw Salwa and her friend
heading to the Kachiri sellers and I grabbed Ali's hand to have him
follow my lead. When I reached, I gave Salwa a mild bump then
apologized. She smiled, knowing I had done it intentionally and I
smiled back. “Hi, i'm Ahmedinho.” I introduced myself. “That's
a funny name.” she replied. “I bet your name is as beautiful as
you are.” I continued. “Yes it is, and I like it.” she replied.
“So how do we know who won or lost this bet?” I asked. She said
“I don't care winning or losing. If you want a win, take it.” she
was clever. I offered to pay for their Kachiri. They took them and
started away. “You break my heart sweetheart.” I said while
following them. “Now I'm your sweetheart?” They started laughing
at me. We kept following them until they reached a white Vitz car
parked facing the Likoni creek Sea. “You want a lift?” she asked
me while entering their car. I said No thanks. It felt weird taking a
ride from someone I was trying to seduce. She saw my sad face and
pitifully said “Salwa, My name is Salwa. I think I won the bet.”
My face sparkled. I had to act fast or else I would never see her
again. If I pour out my heart, she would think I'm crazy because I
had just seen her. So I placed my business-card on her dashboard and
told her this is the gift for winning the bet.
I had to roll that dice. I had nothing
left. Chances are that she would throw out the card after a few
minutes drive because there was nothing in me worth a call back. I
knew I was not handsome. She knew we came there by Matatu
while she had her own car. And the words game, she came out the
victor. But after two weeks, odds were defied and I got the call. And
I was calm in my heart but excited in my mind.
“Do you remember the first time we
made love?” I thought this reminiscence play was doing good and
wanted to do it more. “Yes I do. You were a hungry bear.” she
said and we both laughed. At this time, she was sitting down on the
other side of the door. Her voice was clear and near. I could see
myself slowly winning her heart back. It was half past midnight and
my determination was still strong despite the cast out feeling the
hallway was giving me.
Salwa, I know the importance of life.
Friends and jobs. Morals and so many other things. But as I mention
all these to you, I would choose to leave all these to be with you on
a deserted island where life if difficult. If, that's what you want.
I wont have a full life if my life will not revolve around you.
Despite my funny and naughty ways, my heart knows you are the one
stimulating its smiling muscles. I'm sorry for making you angry, and
I want you to know that I truly love you. Heart and soul. I said this
after composing myself from the blow of being three o'clock in the
morning and still the door was not opened for me.
I know you love me Ahmed. But I doubt
whether this would work. The things you are used to and the things I
want in a relationship, seem to collide. I think its better to call
this off while we still have our strength. Somewhere out there, our
soul-mates roam the earth. And we wont find them, if we keep holding
on to each other. She laid down those hurting words gently. “But I
think you are my soul-mate.” I said. “How come I don't?” she
asked. “I am willing to stop parties. I promise I will never take a
picture with a fan again. Just let me love you, and in return I'm
only asking for your love.”
At this time, she opened the door and
took me in her embrace. “You are such a sweet guy Ahmedinho. Any
girl would be lucky to have such a man who can sacrifice for love.”
she said. “I love you, I really do. But its now clear to me I cant
spend rest of my life with you. I believe in love we don't have to
make sacrifices and big compromises. It should come easy, with little
effort. I would feel much better if the things you promise, are done
because you believe them to be right and you want them that way. Not
doing them for me. If I accept that, later in life you will turn to
resent me. I would have been the person who stopped you from being
you and having fun your own way.”
I could understand what she meant
deep, but I still felt I should be with him. She clearly seems to
have thought so much about this while I only listened to my heart.
She held my face and gave me a deep long kiss until I got lost in a
fantasy world. She stopped and told me, that was a good-bye kiss. I
nodded sadly. I knew I couldn't keep arguing with her if she really
did not want this. I was heartbroken. First time heartbroken on
friendly terms. No hate or rage. I asked about good-bye sex but she
strongly objected to that. I hugged her again, told her I will always
love her and got out heading to my home. She said I could sleep on
the couch but I did not want that. It was already dawn and I could
reach my place safely.
