Eternal lover syndrome

The date was 9^th of April, 1998. On Thursday night when we had finished playing “Keram” at my Friend's, Dili. We used to do this regularly after the evening prayers. On my way home, on the corner at the back of Jerusalem church, I saw her. Just a glimpse though, from the flood light of the two storied building next to the church. It was the sweetest, most beautiful face I had ever seen. She hurried past the corner and then she began running swiftly, just like how men jog. I saw something shiny fall off her while she was at the corner and I picked it. I called out to her but she didn't stop. I ran and she also increased her pace. I followed until she stopped at a house near Raudha Mosque. She asked why I was following when I reached her and I told her she had dropped her bracelet. She took it and said thank you. This was when I saw her face for some minutes and amazed at her beauty. She was middle height and had an attractive not so chubby body. Her youth was alluring, I couldn't help stealing peeks at her bust. I asked her name and she gladly replied Rachel Mbithe. Then I asked if I could see her again, which she signaled No by her head.

It was close to mid night when I was finally on my bed at home. I couldn't erase Mbithe from my mind so I had trouble getting sleep. I woke up early to go the port to do my first shift. Temporary clerical job I was doing to wait for college admission. I went straight to Mbithe's home after work at three. She was the one who came out when I knocked on the door. “I had to see you again, I thought of you last night and all day today at work.” I told her. I did not see a smile on her face as I expected when I said that, but a face that displayed pity. “You have to forget me stranger.” I said “Ahmedinho.” She then said her mum would take her to task if seen talking to strange men. “Just one meeting.” I pleaded. She looked behind her then at me for some time. She then told me to meet her at nine beside Kanu social hall, at night.

I left Dili, Aziz, Abdalla, and Swalehe early that night from the Keram game for the appointment at Kanu Hall. There was a dark corner between the hall and the edge of Doctor Kamau's Dispensary. She really came after about twenty minutes and she sat on an adjacent stone. There was music from The Mainland Rooftop bar and I thought it would be perfect for filling moments of silence. I first asked about her mum. She said her mum was OK. Her elder sister was taking care of her. She sleeps early, which gave her a chance to come to this spot yesterday. After a minute of silence wondering why any girl would risk coming to this dark alley at night, I asked. She gave me that sweet pity face I saw earlier in the afternoon, then said it's because of a promise.

“A year ago on this path I met a man by the name Samuel Kioko.” Said Mbithe “I had just alighted from a Bus from town at around eight in the evening when I saw him and he greeted me. He struck up a conversation and i immediately fell in love with the low voice and gentle way he talked. He realized that and did not give me a hard time. He offered to escort me to my home and I let him. He said he was a truck driver and his vehicle was parked at the Mainland junction. He usually works on Nairobi-Kampala route. During high season when they have to, that's when they come to load at the Mombasa port. On that night he kissed my lips and told me he is giving me time, and also to himself. But he will be back after one year on Easter holidays on this same spot, same time that we met. If he sees me, then he will take me to Machakos where his home is. And promised we will spend our lifetime together. If not, he will understand that it wasn't meant to be. He is the one who gave me that bracelet.”

I looked at the time and it was close to eleven. Now she saw pity on my face too because this was Good Friday night and The guy, Kioko had not shown up. The next day I went to work trying hard to forget her. We were paid double for working on holidays at the Port. Though I tried, I could not shake her soothing sexy voice off my thoughts. I did not want to be responsible for breaking up somebody else's love. But I also wondered if it was love. It seemed Fishy and I feared the girl would be heartbroken waiting for a rain of flowers. I cared that much for her not to see her hurt. And the guy, I knew truck drivers are not very faithful men. They have mistresses at Maungu, Mtito, Sultan Hamud and every Truck parking destination along the Mombasa-Nairobi highway. The bracelet he gave her seemed fake too. It was made of tin but coated with gold color. It was light in weight.

There are romantics who say When you love someone, let them go. And maybe they will comeback to you in the end. I was determined to do just that, but my heart could not bear it. I wanted to put on a fight, even if a mild one. Maybe a little effort would bear fruit and I wouldn't blame myself later for not trying. I left my friends early on Saturday night too. Dili realized that I was low in spirit and asked me what was wrong but I told them nothing was. So I went to the spot and tonight there was two sad people sharing company. One waiting for dubious storybook love, and one who wishes to snatch a beauty from her dreams.

Tonight she told me about the importance of integrity. When you give out your word, you must stand by it. Love is the most sweetest and beautiful thing a heart can taste. betrayal and untrustworthy signs destroys love. She asked me why I came today while I know she's there waiting for another man? I told her I feel like I have no choice. I really wanted to get out of this before I'm deep, but it seems I can't. We left at around eleven, still no sign of the mystery lover. And as usual, I escorted her to her home then returned back. That night I blamed myself for being selfish. I should not have shown her my disappointment because she was is in a more fragile situation than I.

On Sunday night I came early to the usual spot to wait for Mbithe. Some hope had sprung up that when she realizes the mystery man will not show up after all, she will have my arms ready to take her. So I started with some jokes when she came. Although she smiled, you could still see the sadness in her eyes. I opened up a box of chocolates and we had our bites slowly. The more time goes, the more the reality of Kioko not showing up made her sadder. There were showers of rain that had just started and I decided to stand up and make a fool out of myself. I did not know how to dance but I did to the reggae-muffin mixes from the Rooftop Mainland bar. I held her hand, pulled her up to dance on the rain with me on the dark. But after a minute she let go of my hand and returned to the sitting stone. Something was taking a deep toll in her.

I went to my stone and after five minutes of silence, I started: I love you Rachel. It kills me that your heart is fixed on somebody else, but it kills me more to see you breaking down inside. I want to see you happy. And I believe I can make you forget him if you give me a chance. Rachel replied after a deep silence too: I would like to love you too. I know you are a good man and it's much from you to help me through this difficult confusing time. But whenever I entertain the thought of shifting my heart to you, I hear something hissing “betrayal, betrayal, betrayal” on my ear. You are a funny and caring person, but..... my honor and word are very important to me. And although it seems foolish, my heart is for him, I cant even give an excuse to myself about it. We didn't realize the rain had poured much when we returned to our stones beside the dispensary. But then it stopped and I took her home. I had to hold her hand and help her cross the fast moving stream that was pouring south between Mainland Bar and Jerusalem Church.

I examined my feelings carefully while lying on bed and concluded it must be love. Why else wouldnt my heart let go of a person who has clearly indicated that she is not into me? My heart felt like it wanted to engulf her, keep her over a protective security blanket that would stop any harm from reaching her. I thought of touching her cheeks and it made me smile. Just thinking about her with me made me happy.

Tonight was Easter Monday night. The last of this holiday. We were both here at eight, sitting on our stones. Mbithe thanked me for Yesterday. She told me I didn't have to come every night and wait with her. I told her I knew, but I just decided to. She said she didn't want funny stories tonight. And I was not in the mood to make a fool out of myself again. So we sat and I told her about my childhood stories and crushes while in high school. She broke her silence and said Kioko was the first man her heart felt love for. After all, she was young. She couldn't have loved seriously before at her age of eighteen. I asked her what will happen if Kioko doesn't show up tonight? He didn't leave her his address and few people had land-line phones back in 1998, which he obviously didn't. Mbithe did not answer this. And we both sunk again to silence. To the right, we could see matatus and other vehicles passing by the road. Occasionally we saw patients and their relatives getting in and out at Doctor Kamau's. And the rooftop bar was playing blues tonight. It was already eleven at night and we were still here. I felt sorry for Mbithe. She could not come and wait here every night. Reality was finally sinking into her. We waited more and when the watches indicated midnight. She pulled herself up from the stone. I pulled her hand then to my chest. We hugged for long and I could hear her sobbing silently. I told her its gonna be OK. “i promise.” I said I promise again and again so that she understands I was really committed to make her happy.

She took a look at the main road, and disappointment made her take two steps with me heading home. She glanced behind for the second time and there was nothing. After about a minute she looked behind again and suddenly she broke free from my arms and I saw a slim guy appearing from the road. He had sunglasses and was walking towards us. Mbithe ran to him and finally I saw them hugging. I remained standing on the dark corner of the Dispensary as I watched Blithe touching the man's arms and him stroking her hair backwards. Then they started walking to the main road. There, what my heart holds dear is going away with another man. After a few steps, Mbithe turned to look backwards for about four seconds, then they continued. And I just watched until they made a left turn.