Finally, my name was called and I entered the psychiatrist’s office. I was tired of sitting in the waiting area where time stood still. I could not make direct eye contact with patients there for fear they might infect me with something crazy. There was no T.V. and magazines lying on the table were not exciting. The doctor’s office was cooler than the waiting room. It had some abstract art hanging here and there on the wall, plus the doctor’s degree and some honorary certificates. There was a wide glass window on the left that covered that side of the wall to its entirety. The Doctor’s table and chair lay at the center. Then to the left of this official fancy wooden table and chair, lay a couch and a bed, or a chair. I didn’t know if it was a bed or a chair, but your back will stretch some sixty or seventy degrees behind while laying on it. This is the professional I was sent to just because of my bedtime inflatable doll. I think they are crazy because they think I am crazy.
The doctor or psychiatrist introduced herself then asked me to sit comfortably on the stretched chair. What’s the problem? She asked. I began venting: - I have my bedtime toy, just like a teddy bear, that gives me company while sleeping. The problem is my roommates are bothered by it. Even after explaining the doll, they took the matter up with the administration and I was sent to you after a heated debate with them.
“Tell me about it, why you need a non-human companion in bed?” she asked. “First of all, it’s she, not it.” I corrected her. “Her name is Princess Leila. I bought her in Fahaheel shopping center, from one of the shops. Her face resembles one of my Ex’s.”
“I presume you don’t have a girlfriend currently.” She stated in a questioning tone. “No, I don’t. I am currently seeing this Ghanaian beauty, not far from me. In fact, we are both in Mahboulah. But I can’t say a relationship has been established. I am drawn to her, but she seems unsure. Maybe she is not ready to accept me, I don’t know.”
“Tell me more about Princess Leila.” I could sense irony from her smile, but nonetheless, I was willing to downplay anything so long as one is willing to hear me out. I was sure I could convince someone that it is very normal for a grown man to sleep with an air doll. “First, I would like to say she was not cheap. I spent 2 dinars on her, the shopkeeper wanted 5. She is 6ft 2in, about a foot taller than me. The nylon material that makes her up is thick, yet soft when you touch her gently. Her eyes look directly into mine; her lips are wide and pinkish. I have dressed her up in a gold bikini. She is beautiful, and I love her. Don’t get me wrong, people love food, traveling, friends, and other stuff that are not human. I love my princess Leila the same way. Not as a woman.”
The Doc looked troubled by my description of Princess Leila. “Well, no doubt she has your love. What do you get from her?” she asked. “Well, it’s a symbiotic relationship. I read to her bedtime stories, and sometimes she sings to me when I have trouble sleeping. She is loving, gives me company just as any friend or loved one would. I feel safe and in peace with her by my side in bed. Never has my sleep been so sound and sweet before I had her.”
“I would have loved to meet her. She seems wonderful. Maybe next time you’ll bring her to our next session.” The doctor said with a semi sincere smile. “I’m afraid that would not be possible,” I explained. “This morning I woke up to find her murdered. She was cut into pieces by a sharp knife. It must have been those envious roommates. That’s why I was angry when I entered here. I still am. People should learn to mind their own businesses and leave out that which does not concern them. I put Princess Leila in my locker every morning after waking up. I blow air inside her every night when it’s time for bed. We do not bother anybody. And for your benefit, just as I explained to them, never have i been excited to find discharge on myself in the morning. Never! So this is not a romantic, kinky thing as their sick minds think. This is just comfort in company. How many people have secret drawers with unspeakable toys and stuff they have locked inside? How many people have dolls and Teddy bears on their nightstand? I don’t see how my situation is any different.”
“Where is the inlet for blowing in air located?” she asked. “I am not going to answer that. Doc, I’m not doing this for your amusement. I just want somebody, even one person in this world to understand me.” “So would you have no trouble colleagues on your building to come to see you sleep with Princess Leila, or going out on the streets with her after filling her up with air?” “No, Yes I would mind. She is mine; I don’t have to show her up to anybody. This is a private thing. I wouldn’t feel comfortable people staring at us.”
I felt as if this professional was not qualified enough. Her choice of questions seems to make me uneasy. She began scribbling on her writing pad. I know, people on my side are not to read the contents of that notebook, but I was curious. Maybe she is vilifying me just as my workmates in the apartment. It is winter, but I felt some heat and even some streams of sweat started coming down my face. I could see it was cloudy outside from the glass window. A few birds flew across and the sight was filled with other tall buildings. I could not see people and cars down the road because the office was on the eleventh floor of this hospital complex in Kuwait city.
“Well, only ten minutes remaining from our time. Maybe we’ll explore more in our next session. Concerning what you are experiencing, it is Artificial Emotional Dependence Disorder (AEDD).” “What!” I cut her short after that statement. This psychiatrist didn’t get it. After all the explanations for her to understand, she also thinks I am nuts! “Doc, Disorder is just another fancy word for sick. So you think my mind is sick?” I asked her. “No, you are not sick. You just need a little adjustment.” “If I am okay, why would I need an adjustment?” I asked her. “Calm down Cydinho.” “You know Doc, I have been shy to admit something to you but since you are the professional, I think you should know. Princess Leila’s lips and cheeks look just like yours. That’s why I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since I came in.” “I know what you are doing, you are not getting to me.” She replied trying hard to show strength on her face. “My intention is not getting to you doc, but you should know, since I don’t have Princess Leila now, I have a memory of your face imprinted on my brain. You are so ripe and….” “Security!” she gave out a loud cry. I could see my wits had driven her crazy, and in Less than Two minutes, I was escorted out of the psychiatrist’s office.
Such are the endings of private pursuits of fantasies. All people in my circle seem to be abnormal. I was the only sane person. It all began when I fell in love with Smurfette in my pre-adolescence times, then I watched this movie 50 shades of what I don’t remember, and I came out with a perfect idea for sweet dreams. But it freaked people out. I guess I will return to my cocoon of loneliness now. The world is not ready for my fetishes. And I guess soon or later, we all have to grow up, even emotionally.
