Fatime and I were waiting on the wooden bench. We were here
twenty days ago when I brought her for an HiV blood test. She requested my
shoulder to lean on through this whole testing activity since I was the one who
encouraged her to get tested. She had been suffering chronic coughs; wounds all
over her body that do not heal easy even with good medication, loss of energy
and other strange symptoms. She was frail and had lost some glow on her facial
beauty.
She was my second
cousin on my paternal side. Married, and had two boys and a girl. My reason for
encouraging her to be tested was that five years ago, I saluted her husband on
Whatsapp and he replied “hey darling, miss you. Where ru@?”, Before I set him
straight. I knew something was not right about this brother in law. But I said
nothing to my cousin sister.
Many lessons I had learnt, by experience and word of mouth
about these situations. Once I told a friend that his wife is cheating on him.
I thought it was my responsibility as a friend and I even gave him an address and
likely times which he could find his wife at the Man’s quarters. My friend made
a point of staking out the place for some days after lying to his wife that he
was going to work. And one day he saw her. He confronted her as she was just
about to enter the guy’s room. It didn’t end well. They had to divorce and life
was not good for either. My friend found himself with an added responsibility
of taking care of his two little kids which overwhelmed him considering he had
to be at work for the most part of the day. Things were stressful and disorganized
at his home. I somehow felt I was responsible for the situation he was in. I
once also warned a friend that the man she is going out with is not a good man.
In the end I was accused of secretly loving the girl and wanting her for
myself.
The health centre corridor was busy. Women helped by
relatives or nurses to the ward. Occasionally a manned stretcher would rush a
woman to the theater or delivery room. We were still on the bench waiting for
Fatime’s turn to see the doctor and receive her results. I pitied her. Her
husband was not one to stop his bad habits even after I talked to him. I saw
him a year after the incident on a dim lit restaurant with another woman. Some
men are strange and just unfaithful. I have to be careful and say ‘some’
because I am a man too but nothing like them. They think winning over many
girls somehow raises their status. But it’s an imaginary status. These men
think less about commitment and his responsibility towards it. Some
disrespectful to a point of flirting in the presence of their brothers in law. And
guys will always warn you about interfering with other people’s marriages.
But it’s not only men;
there are many women who do the same. My cousin had a girlfriend he loved very
much. She would avail herself whenever he requested and she also helped him
financially since he was jobless. She was in college. Their love was evident is
the number or phone calls and outings they had. Then one day while in a cyber café,
I saw his girlfriend with another boy. His hand was on his waist as they were
strolling towards Fort Jesus direction. I called and asked my cousin who was in
the countryside for the weekend to call his girlfriend and ask her who the man
was holding her waist was. I returned back to my seat to surf the net. Later
when my cousin returned he explained how his ‘ex girlfriend’ had turned round
and round asking him where he was hiding. She said the guy was just a friend
who was in the same class with her in college. But that was the end of it. My
cousin said of all the girls he broke up with, he felt this one deep because he
believed it would last forever.
After half an hour, Fatime was called in. I had to wait patiently
until her return. I prayed that all would go well and maybe she will be asked
to take more tests to diagnose other problems. But what if the tests turn out
positive? I asked myself. I breathed in heavily then out. I began wondering if I
should tell her I could have warned her earlier enough. But I knew I would not
abandon her if it comes to worst. The mysteries around AIDS have been explained
enough that we are not afraid of those who are infected nowadays. In
Televisions and magazines we are taught how to take care and live with them.
There are also ARV drugs that help them to live a good life with their disease.
After ten minutes she was out. There was disappointment on
her face. Tears were coming down from her eyes. I stood up to hold her and told
her there is nothing to worry about. I could feel the tremors from her body. She
gave me the report; she was diagnosed positive to HiV Aids. I thought of
different ways to console her because she was still silently but painfully
crying. I had to get her home and talk to her on how she can continue taking care
of herself so that she can also look after her kids. And how to break this news
to immediate family so that she would receive every necessary help to go
through this.
The news of the disease took a toll on my heart and
conscience just as the guilt of “I could have warned her earlier enough.” But these matters are complicated. What should
I have done? Or what is it that anyone is expected to do if they meet such a
situation. And where is the boundary? For people you don’t know, it might not
give you sleepless nights. But imagine it’s your brother or sister. Should we
mark the boundaries on our siblings, or we should mark it on our cousins and
uncles and aunts? What about our friends? Although warning people we care about
is the honorable thing to do and it can save one from a disaster, but it can
also bring a disaster when families are split. And We don’t want to be
responsible or be blamed for calamities befalling people we care for.
