Forbidden fruit

I once made the mistake of “liking” a photo of a Pinay displaying her thigh on Facebook. It was just liking, but believe me, it was a subject to be discussed by my sweetheart. It seems when you are in a relationship, there is a boundary drawn on your dealings with the opposite sex. But where is the boundary, and who draws it?

Luckily, I have never had to fight for a girl or woman, physically. But I have seen people I know do it. Men fighting for a girl and women fighting for a man. I have always kept it back at the battle of lines or impressing. Unless you disrespect my girl in front of me, I wont clench my fist.

How does it start? You know they belong to someone else. And they know they belong to someone why drool at you? I have had a number of married women flirting with me while I was still an adolescent. Maybe they were just teasing. Sometimes its jokes. But there was this one from one of the islands of Lamu who practically fixed her looks on my eyes and led them down to her fruit to clearly suggest it. I understand she was having differences with her unfaithful husband who happened to be my friend but that was a line a could not cross. I turned my head left and right to reply her in the same sign language that she used. I couldn't do it to my friend, but principally even if her hubby was not my friend, married people are a great risk going for.

There was a stern looking dad whose daughter was in the same school with me. I used to tremble inside having a chitchat with the girl around the home area. One day she invited me in for bread and omelet. I wanted to seem a hero on the face, to impress her. But I wondered what would happen if his dad showed up to find me in his house? In love you have to take chances sometime.

In high school, during holidays, I went to knock on a door of a guy class higher than me to ask for him though he wasn't my friend. They lived in the same area. He wasn't around that day. He met me in boarding after holidays were over and warned me never to try that stunt again. He knew I went to familiarize myself with his younger sister who was on the same grade with me. He used to show me his fist every time we met in the dining hall or on the football field.

There was this neighbor, father of a very pretty girl who decided to draw the line himself. He sat me down and told me if he continues seeing me with his daughter he will forcefully marry her off to me. I was seventeen, the idea of marriage was scary back then. So I stayed as far away from the girl as possible.

I remember another dad who just gave me a stern look when he found out I had an escapade with his daughter. They were family friends. So out of respect, I decided to stay away. But after some few years I couldn't bring myself to a closure with this girl. We started flirting again and soon we were on regular secret beachcapades. How could I forget the first girl I kissed? She made it so easy on me while behind my confident face was fear of being discovered green. I didn't make it so long, but it surely was sweet. Confused at what the tongues were doing, but sweet. My first kiss ever. I liked this girl. She was a year older than me and she helped me with the baby steps of romance. I couldn't help but ogle when she was wearing a hipster. She had the body of a marmalade. But how long could we go on if her family wasn't ready to support our liking each other? It had to end sometime and I also got invited to her wedding.

I did go to the wedding. And she signaled me while dancing on stage smiling. I smiled back. I was happy for her. But she has became a forbidden fruit. They always seem surprised when I attend their wedding ceremonies. This was the second I attended of someone whom i was romantically involved with. The first thanked me when she saw pictures of me and her husband on her big day. And the third also said she couldn't believe it. It's supposed to be painful watching your exes take somebody else's hand, but I guess I didn't love that deep to feel it.

Anyway, communication with them had to cease. Lest i intended to break their homes. Forbidden are not only those who are married. When we know they are somebody's girlfriend or boyfriend, we should give out space. Wait for our chance if it will ever come, but not by praying for their break up. Interfering could be fun but think about when its someone doing the same to you. I had this distant cousin who couldn't stop seducing my girl. I introduced him to her and clearly said he was married the minute I saw him making moves. I didn't tell him at once that she was my girl but she told him later. But he couldn't leave her alone. I received reports. He was on her like a cheetah on a gazelle.

I didn't break the news to him or tried to stop him. I believed she could handle him since I trusted her. Unfortunately I had trusted the wrong person. I guess sub-consciously I left it because I had done something of the sort before. There was this girl of a relative who came to watch TV at our home with her school uniform. It brought out her sexy and ripe body. She was a black beauty and exuded allure. I think she was in form 3 but I wont mention the school. On her second visit I locked the door behind when she came asking for something. “Your magnet is causing a disturbance on my core. Hear me like a mature girl, I want you. I will treat you really good...” I said this with a cozy voice. And as my hand traveled her thigh, the bulge on my trouser presented itself to ashame me. She smiled as she opened the lock to exit and I couldn't hold her back.

Such are the results of liking people who are already involved. Some become successful in making them cheat, but as long they are not married yet, the guilt is minimal. Social media and chatting applications have made the flirting arena so wide and discreet and easy. Most of us do it everyday to pass time. We tell them the three magic words. And when they doubt we wake them up at midnight to make the words sound really romantic. Its a good thing that what we enjoy over the internet we leave it on the internet most of the time. They could be married. They could be same sex just playing a prank on you.

Ideally and morally, I have not and will not talk a married woman into something actionable. Neither will I talk a single girl into something actionable when I'm involved. I am very careful. I can't even plan a drink or have fun with any girl if I'm serious with one. It bothers my conscience. But flirting is my only weakness. We will have the fun talk but I will not do the sin walk. If you don't believe, try me. The idea of a forbidden fruit feels naughty. Many want to dare and taste the feeling of wildness. But only a few of us respect and know where the line is drawn.

So this sexy damsel comes back to me at a time when I'm in a serious committed relationship. The first time we met I also had a girlfriend. She is so social and talkative that she became a threat to my girl. One day my girlfriend broke it out to me that the so nice and stories girl has two daughters. This was supposed to reduce my fast speed towards her. Jealous girls would try funny things to stop their men from being taken away. Long after I broke up with my girlfriend, I had a dinner with her. I enjoyed her company. She was so fabulous and free in her talks. She hides a pair of very sexy eyes behind her glasses. And shes got the body of a spring chicken. No way anyone could guess she has two kids. She explained to me about her separation and many other stories. Its so embarrassing when I think of that day because she caught me snoozing. I guess I was tired from the hard day's work. When we said goodbye as I had to alight from the Matatu a stage before where she lived, she leaned and gave me a kiss after seeing the undecided look on my face. I smiled. Lucky me, all the forbidden fruits I have seen in my life are very hot girls. A week after that she couldn't avail herself when I suggested a date. And I remained silent the following weekend and the weekend after.

I don't know where she got my number but she was on my life again, after seven years. I informed her that I was in a serious relationship and she said she is also seeing the father of her kids casually. Phones are cheap and internet is much cheaper. We reminisced our time before and cached up. I became used to her three hour calls and late night chats convincing myself no line will be crossed. Communication is a very important thing in a relationship. And one of the worst things in a relationship is feeling lonely. My girl wasn't giving me time and attention this girl was giving me. And so we talked about every subject under the stars. I remember how yummy she was and couldn't stop hard core flirting. She was very agreeing and cleverly invited me to her place one day to enjoy ourselves. That was something I would never do. She tried talking me into it for long. This girl was cute and easy, while I was conservative. She said she has an oven. She told me stories of married men she has seen and how she helped them solidify their relationships with their wives. She only had physical fun with them but she was careful and always advised the men to stick to their wives. How noble she was. But I couldn't be enticed. I am a man of my principles. And we continued chatting without meeting. I had a feeling she wanted to have me and make a trophy out of our memory. It was still a taboo for anything happening between us.

Two hours after a chat with her one day, I received her call. But it wasn't her. A male voice saluted. I knew it was the BabaWatoto she was seeing. And so started the grilling. Who is she to you? Why would she talk to you private things I do with her? Where are you now? I held myself together and explained that she was a friend. Friend? Friends talk these things? After a long talk which he was giving me a lesson about Morals, he asked me to stay away from her. He was planning on getting back together with her. I told him to ask her lady to stop communicating with me, that would be easy. But it seemed he didn't want to give her any conditions. He had no say on her. He wanted me to stop and block her number. I wanted to remind him that they separated and she was not his wife anymore but I thought this would complicate matters more. After all, what claim do I have over her? At least he has daughters with her. After he hung up, I did exactly that. Deleted her phone number and blocked her on Whatsapp.

After some few hours the lady got me on Facebook and told me “he” had gone and we should continue our talks. But I said No. I told her things are complicated with her. “You and him have kids. And plans are in the pipeline for you two getting back together. I'm thinking about your kids and you. I will be insensitive if I say I don't care. I don't know if your plans will work out, but I don't want to be the one who will stop you two coming back together. I'm sorry. I'm wishing you all the best, I pray that your family forms again and I have to delete you on my Facebook list too.”

Oozing heart

They say people always remember their first love. I do too, though not romantically. Call it love or a crush because we were kids back then but I did feel something. And when the time came for my family to migrate, she was amongst the  most precious things I left behind. It did not end there because as soon as I got a chance I kept coming back visiting my old neighborhood only to catch a glimpse of her. I could not let the memories I've had with her die a suicidal death.

We grew up and the hitch in communication back then was responsible for missing information of her wedding. We remained friends, even after her divorce. But the day I found out she was trapping me with another man's pregnancy, was when my heart changed on her. Back then I didn't know what a heartbreak is neither how it felt. Only a little disappointment. I have been trapped before, but lucky me, I am a man of God. I hear she remarried and moved to London. Now you know why I remember her, while I got no love for her.

Every pretty girl in school back then was mine, but they did not know it. And when the time came for us not to see one another regularly, it was a feeling of disappointment or missing or whatever. But not heartbreak as I know it. Those were rainbow days. You could love and love and care not for your heart however it will turn out in the end. childish and foolish.

The first girl I loved in my adulthood, is a story to be locked in my vault. My friends say it was an obsession. I have a feeling if I go deeper to describe these experiences, it will make them more interesting. But pardon me, I have to mind the privacy of my subjects. Too bad this love ended before it started.

Second love knocked on my door. I was flattered. I felt special. I felt good. I was all over myself. But I lacked experience of what people do and say when they are in love. I fell for this gorgeous lady with all my heart. I wont go into details of the romantic escapades and love letters we shared but the love didn't have a life. She broke up with me. This was my first ever heartache. All the apology letters I sent bounced on a wall. I couldn't think clearly. My heart was paining. Real pain that felt horrible. That was the time Professor Jay released his song “Nikusaidiaje” and my cousin played it again and again while looking at me with a pity face. I remained in my bed for days. And when I decided to take a long walk, the pain increased the more I went further from home. I returned back after a kilometer. A week had passed and I still felt mashed. I even thought this pain would stay forever. I remember complaining to my cousin until tears dripped from my eyes. She tried to console by telling me that the girl does not love me. Had she, then she wouldn't have broken it with me.

Tears have got magic. A man would persevere pain by any means possible which will take a long time, not knowing that all he could do to send the pain away was cry. Anyway, men are not tears people. I had to resolve never to love again. Furthermore, there was no other girl out there who could be as beautiful as her, I believed.

Love can be a trap. As much as I resorted to flirting with no feelings after that, I fell for another one. I did not seduce her, she threw herself at me. And I couldn't resist. It was love again and romance and happiness. I tried every way to impress her each day. And she did love me too, but I don't know how? Maybe she was one of those who believed in open relationships. She didn't want me to read her sms on her phone. I lost my job and romance decreased. And when I broke it off, she received it with both hands. Time for a second heartbreak. The gauge started rising. And without regarding the evils I had seen, I ran back to her hoping to mend it. I pleaded with her like a rained on chick begging for a shade. It was the heartache that I was scared of. I remembered the first time and I didn't want to experience it again. But my efforts ended up on a pit. It's silly that one would go to the extent of wishing bad things to happen to them so that they come back running to you. But later life taught me that they are not worthy of you if its circumstances that brought them back. It was a long time after that that I realized lessons from this. Trust is earned. You don't just trust someone because you love them. That is forcing it. And the second was, if she doesn't want you, she just doesn't.

Again, I made a resolution never to love again. A friend who was a medical student came to console me. I don't know how I fell for her but it was at a time that I had fallen for another medical student. Both overseas. Maybe I was evil, maybe I was sowing wild oats, but I reasoned and brought objective arguments to myself and decided when one goes, I'll remain with the other. Too bad, they all slipped away from my hand.

A time comes when you feel guilty for wasting somebody else's time. If you don't see a future with them, why hold them? That's when you take a honorable step. You let the blame fall on you, but you make sure you don't lock them to you who has no intention of building a future with them. They will hate you, but you have done them justice, a big favor. You cannot force love. This was the time I learnt that it doesn't matter whether you are breaking a heart or its yours being broken. You will feel it. I felt it. Much of what I felt was guilt. I even lost control of my truck on the road while driving. but I couldn't go back to repair things out of pity. When I think of that time, I wished it worked out with the other Doc. She was cute. But a small misunderstanding led her to break it off with me. Out of my innocence, i didn't get a heartache out of this one. Another resolution had to be made. Never break it off until you get laid.

I was lonely again. Back to the dating arena. I'm not proud of this but I'll say this was the time I went wild on breaking hearts. I called it playing the field. Living life. And this time I promised myself that I will not engage my heart in the games. For those reading this and are from that era, I'm publicly saying sorry to them. I apologize. I hate it being the cause of pain to another.

The heart disobeys. The heart forgets. And after taking a look at a shiny bait from another fisher-lady, I was caught. Its always a bad idea to jump into a relationship after a heartbreak but I did. She had also been heartbroken. And I found myself breaking all the rules of protecting my heart for her. Maybe the medicine for love is love, I thought. And I showed her love while she changed to a fake celebrity. I persevered public ridicule. I called it understanding when she showed disrespect. This was the time to love and never look back. I believed when you love someone, whatever bad habits they have, will eventually change. Love was not something to give up. I was crazy and i was wrong somehow. But it was as if she knew I was a person who feared heartbreaks. She threatened to leave me at her whim on when i disagreed with her wants. It got too ugly to a point I asked myself, who does she think she is? I could play along until when I have her to do the same things she does to me and watch how she will resent the feeling. All this came to pass. With a heart of patience that I got, I kept aside the bad memories. Kept aside revenge. And loved dearly. I had decided to love, but within the limits of my religion. And love was good. it felt good. Again I'm afraid I wont go into late night dirty details and the sweet words exchanged. But loving someone is never an insurance that they will love you back. No matter how much love you pour into someone, if they didn't love you and decided not to love you as much as you love them, it will remain that way. They wont change principally. For them, its settling.

This one too ended, and it took me two months of heavy thoughts. Runaway sleep that had to be lured by sitcoms to get. I remember the comedies “Just shoot me.” they really consoled my nights through that difficult time. My friend had to ask me what was wrong because I wasn't eating properly and seemed down most of the time. This was heavy. This might be the longest a heartache lasted on me considering the golden memories I shared with her, but no tear dropped down. You have to be worth it to deserve my tear.

This was the relationship that gave me the lesson of the millennium. Do not love who does not love you. Do not run back for healing your heartache. And what is wrong has to be set right before coming back together again. This time I promise myself I wont ignore the signs. I want to settle down but I don't want just to settle. Heartbreaks are part of life, and as I'm back to the flirting games, I'm also looking. Looking for those who will look at me with sincerity and respect and true love. I'm gonna screen them real good. Its my time to be on the receiving end.

Sometimes people ask themselves, what went wrong? Actually only one came back to ask me that question. And I have put that same question only to one too. She replied, “does it matter?” and I'm carrying this until now. Thank you Doc.

The art of seduction

We have cases of set ups and blind dates and love at first sight. Sometimes we get lucky and find love through simple ways. But most of the time the burden lays on the man to talk the woman into liking him then loving him. As children, all we had to do is smile and maybe put on clean clothes then pass by the girl. Recognition was a big step to love back then. Sweet talking came around when we were adolescents and maybe it was peer pressure or the hormones. We would put on silly decorated words to a girl even though we were unsure where to put it had our requests been granted.

I met a Pulchritude in Dar-essalam on our way to Zanzibar during my holiday. She was a receptionist on The Pearl Hotel in Kariakor. So sweet was her accent of Swahili. She answered our inquiry and we were given two rooms in the fourth floor. I couldn't stop thinking about her while in my room. Then I said maybe its the niceness of front office personnel. Every receptionist is expected to be nice.

The next morning we left the hotel and boarded a luxury boat to Zanzibar. We spent ten days with our aunt and family who we had missed for so long. Whenever I was free and alone my thoughts took me back to the girl I saw in the hotel back in Dar-essalam.

The business of women is sometimes tricky and surprisingly unpredictable. There are some who will welcome you with a smile before you say Hello. They are easy to talk to and live for today. They are fun and they wont give you a headache when talking them into an adventure in romance.

We also have some who would lead you to think they like you. You will notice their aggressiveness. They will bait you with words like 'i miss you.' or a tricky gesture. But as soon as you start to fall for them and begin sending calculated sweet words, they pretend they don't understand and act not interested. There is another species that is used to dirty talk. The idea of saying out loud the games and procedures done on a king size bed amuses them. They don't mind if you touch them here and there while laughing between stories.

While some might appear not to be interested in you while playing their hard to get, others really mean it. They don't like you. Maybe they already have partners or you are just not their type. We know there are those who like funny stories and jokes while others are into serious stuff. I say, women who talk politics or Marine engineering are not fun. But they could be the ones you have fallen for, what would you do? But there is danger in those who like having fun so much because after a few weeks they enter the “friend zone” where one might regard the other as brother or sister. You'd better strike the iron while its still hot.

After ten days in Zanzibar it was time to return back home. We crossed the sea back and we were met by a situation. Buses were fully booked for the second day which meant we had to stay in Dar-essalam for two days and two nights. We headed to the same Pearl hotel and our nice receptionist got us two rooms in the fifth floor.

Two days. It was a perfect chance for me to get acquainted to this beauty before winning her heart. She was of average height, dark shiny skin that you would dream of licking it like chocolate, and she wore a yellow dress that showed her teasing figure and bosom. I debated with myself, was this the kind of girl that I should jump straight to the point after greetings? How to start with her became a disturbing test. Maybe I should ask her out to dinner, but I could be met with a soft rejection of “sorry I'm married.” I knew nothing about her except problems of room air conditioning and direction to the nearby restaurant. Pretending to sit around the reception area Facebooking was a childish trick because if its noticing, she had already noticed me a long time ago.

I had to take the lift and go up to my room because there was no improvement on my quest. As I lay down on my bed I asked myself why is it so hard to make a woman like you? One always wants it to start perfectly or go perfectly while seducing a woman. Unfortunately I couldn't read the mind of this one. Maybe its because I cared more. The date lunches and candlelight dinners all

depend on the first impression you make with them. And most of the time they are good manners pretense until they become yours. There is no definite manual on how to go about seducing different types of women. I wished it turned the other way round where she would be the one pursuing me.

The next day, I spent a lot of time on the reception lounge on the Hotel's computer. Facebook, Yahoo, YouTube and whatever kept me busy while sitting there. Then I left the computer to sit where I was directly facing her. And it was time to chat on Whatsapp. She said she had noticed me on the computer for a long time and I told her that their Wi-fi isn't strong enough upstairs in the rooms. I thought of asking the alluring smile lady if she had a Facebook account, but then retracted thinking it was too forward. I was worried maybe she mistook my sister and nephew to be my wife and kids and that's why she wasn't flirting with me. I wanted to correct and tell but my mouth was filled with spittle. Who said that was what she was thinking? But I did like it when she was talking to potential customers and her fellow workers. She had the sound of a small bird singing after a meal. Listening to her sweet accent was enough a treat.

I went back to sleep disappointed at myself that night. I couldn't get her phone number neither her Facebook user-name. I'm the type that is good in using rhyming words into luring my prey. Had I gotten a chance of chatting to her over the phone, I would send her love missiles that she couldn't resist. What does one expect from a poet? Only that this time the poet got a little scared. seduction is an art. Some are gifted. They know how to begin and have an answer to every word that seems like rejection. Their words of sugar would unknowingly press your right buttons until you find yourself breathing heavily in their arms. Surely, I'm not one of them.

In the morning I took a bath and we hurried to the bus station. Two days in Dar-essalam were over and I thought maybe its a good thing that I didn't try to win the pretty nice receptionist. She lives very far from where I work and live and maybe she wouldn't have accepted had I tried. At least I have saved myself from a heartbreak too because most relationships head there. I had a lot of reasons to convince myself that I acted right while the bus was fast returning to Mombasa, home.