She is Mghanga's wife's cousin, the
village Dry cleaner. Came all the way from Mghange to spend the
holiday in Mombasa. She smiles at me whenever she passes through our
home, but says nothing. She was a short ebony skinned girl whose
brown color on her two front teeth will be first to catch your
attention. I must say the stain decorates her smile. Makes her look
more pretty. But she came at a time when I had decided to chill. I
had been through a lot in relationships for the past six years so
this was my break.
I would have been confused if it were
the naive olden high school days. But this was post college, I am
much older and wiser now. I didn't have the rush, the urge to go
after her. I knew she liked me, but she couldn't come forward to say
it. This set back is not held dear by only a few. We were never
taught to say “i love you” as African kids. We didn't tell our
parents, brothers, sisters, even though we did. It's common in Europe
and America, and with our African high class neighbors who try to
raise their kids the western way.
It becomes hard during puberty and
after to tell a girl you like that you do. There is fear, of exposure
of your feelings. And it becomes embarrassing when what you extend is
not reciprocated. That's why some would rather conceal it in their
hearts to their graves, than nurse rejection afterwards. Men, at
least most have evolved much through this. A point reaches when
Eighty percent of them try out. Not because they don't fear the
unknown. But suppose the lady accepts? We rationalize and provide
space for a probability that the girl might be liking us too.
This happened to me some years ago. I
did not tell Mwanatumu about my feelings for her. I guess I hoped
that she would one day see it in my eyes, but she didn't. I
persevered passionate knocks on my heart whenever I saw her and had
friendly conversations with her until she got knocked up by a more
witty guy. I used to ask myself if there was a tuition where men are
taught to say the right things to ladies, or do something that
guarantees to make those you adore fall for you. I watched her, and
others that I liked won over by other men. Some got married and I got
to carry and play with their kids as an uncle when they brought them.
With Janet, it was a case of an
unwritten rule that a female may not be the first to tell a male that
she loved him. I have had a number of girl friends (two different
words), say they would never say those words to a man even if it
burns them inside. Double standards. I think ladies should come out
of that age old cocoon, its the twenty first century!
Since I had no hots for her, I took
this as a challenge. I wanted to see how much she will go, and
observe the fire in her eyes as she aches. My mission was to make her
say it first. “I love you Dinho” would be my gold medal. So after
three days I called her out and we sat on the garden outside our
house. Whats your name cutey? “Janet Righa.” she replied facing
down. What do you do? “I'm on my final year in Bura teachers
training college.” I asked her more questions to give her strength
of being comfortable with me. And I told her she was beautiful. And
she was, Dawida(Taita) girls from the hills area have this exotic
beauty that takes a man less than a minute to fall for them.
My friends came to tell me that she has
been asking more about me. I hid my smile. No one was to know what I
was up to. After three days she sent me a dozen queen cakes. I made
sure I complimented her each time we met. She seemed to enjoy my
jokes, even the ones that were not so funny. On one evening she asked
me if I had a girlfriend. I answered No. then she asked what kind of
girls I liked? I said I look at a girls face first. If its appealing,
then I check out her structure. I like them short, but not so much
short. And I like them ebony just like you. She smiled to this. She
said she liked fair colored guys. Strongly built, funny, and she
stressed that she likes them from town. She continued saying if she
got one, she would be faithful to him. She would go back to finish
her course and return to him. She said she is a very honest girl,
hardworking and loving. I stared at her as she was giving me her
personal cv while smiling pitifully inside. I knew she was expecting
my move at some point, but she only got the “interested smile”
from me.
Days passed and she showed how fond she
was of me. I introduced her to my family, something she was happy
about. But as days canceled on the calendar, she appeared to be
uneasy and less happy. Just ten days remaining to go back to Taita,
and she had not gotten her man yet.
On her last Saturday holiday, I took
her to Mombasa beach in the morning. I liked this beach. It has been
in my veins since childhood. I may take girls to expensive
restaurants on dates but if I haven't taken you to Mombasa beach,
your claws haven't clutched my heart yet. This is not to say its the
most popular or best beach in the world. There are all sort of snacks
at Pirates beach. From ice creams to “kachiri.” to groundnuts.
There is even Loud music playing in some of the beach clubs. And most
people love populated fun areas because they bump into friends or
make new ones there. Today was cool out here. No gigantic waves, and
the tide was low. We stationed ourselves not far from the hotels
because I had a horrifying incident three years ago on this same
beach. But I still loved it.
Janet asked me if I would go visit her
at her college while we sat on the sand at a beautiful corner spot. I
said Maybe, I might surprise you. I had a feeling she was staring at
me while I was not facing her. She came closer to me and said she
feels a little bit cold. I held her dearly as a very caring friend. I
began stroking her rasta plaited hair backwards and she seemed to
like it. She murmured something then ccoughed. I asked her what is it
and she said Nothing. I looked at her face and she seemed troubled by
something. I told her she could talk to me. “you can say anything
to me Janet, I might help.” I comforted her. “I want to have a
picture of you when I leave next week.” she asked. I knew she
wanted more than a picture but this was like a consolation request.
“Sure, I will give you one.” I told her. And I continued enjoyed
experiencing the bomb that was building up in her.
I wasn't gonna say the magic words to
her. Here, I was representing all men who are against this double
standard. If she wont say it, she will have to return to Taita with
it. It will be her mind asking and answering herself the questions
and confusions. And I will be congratulating myself for staying true
to my game. I must give her credit for one thing though, smart mind.
She looked at my lips and said she had not kissed a man before and
would like me to show her. Obviously this was a trick. There was
laughing in my brain, but I decided to grant her this request. I took
her upper lips gently in mine and moistened them and tasted them. She
had soft lips, sweet. And she kissed me back. She didn't seem an
amateur though not a kissing guru too. Her emotions seemed to
overpower her and she pressed herself more on me while she kissed
hungrily. When I paused, she laid her head on my chest and her arms
were around me holding tight. I could feel her body in mild tremors,
then she finally said it. I love you. She was burying her head on my
chest. I felt my name was Victory. I held her out and looked straight
into her eyes and kissed her again. But carefully, not to reply “I
love you too” lest I be branded a liar when I come up with a swift
exit plan from this. Our hearts were not in the same place, so
disappointment was inevitable. After all our lives were distance
apart and I was not really into this. It would be better for all of
us.
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