Where the line is.

There is a line in the romantic faculty that discriminates ingenuity from fake. Lies from truth. Love and lust. This line is not imaginary, but invisible. We are supposed to learn and recognize this line to secure ourselves from heart breaks. Self inflicted heartbreaks just because we didn't learn the rules.

Asha and I were were very good friends. Everyone in the neighborhood mistook us for lovers. Once we were outside under a friends window who happened to hear, or eavesdrop our conversation and he came blaming me for arousing hopes that I was bound to disappoint. It was late afternoon. Asha had finished her chores and came to give me company in the shade I was seated. I told Asha her beauty has increased threefold since the morning when I last saw her. She gave me a look with a smile that suggested she wasn't falling for it. I proceeded telling her I turned out a job in Nairobi because I would be far from her. She immediately replied that I failed the interview. And that was why I was still stuck in this Ratna neighborhood. I took her hand then asked, where would I be without you? You are the rose in my bush. She turned to face me and said, yeah right! I bet i'm your oxygen too. She then continued telling me that I was the most handsome guy in Ratna. She then touched my biceps and asked me if I was working out?

I laughed. Knowing that the game was over. The biceps could be true, but most handsome? She was playing my game. That was flirting. And we both knew it. Flirting is not supposed to come with a warning sign. We feel it and know it in it's inception. Men flirt, and ladies too. And ladies are better than men in it. Occasionally, a woman will cry foul that she has been lied to. But its not true, the woman should be conversant with her male-female urban interaction culture before she starts throwing blame to others. Liars intent gets you into bed, and they don't stop until they do. With flirts, it ends just there where you are standing.

With Fatma, it was a different story. After we were done with the dinner, I told her of how her eyes scared me a little to say what I was about to. Its delicate for me, but I wont find peace by keeping what I feel under lock and key. On hearing these words, she changed her demeanor from joyous to seriously attentive. You are a very beautiful girl with an admirable respect for everyone. I'm proud when I'm seen with you. I like taking walks with you. But that's the least, what I like most is your company. I miss you the minute we say goodbye, its like my heart finds peace when I'm with you. Something is lacking in this heart, and I think it will be complete when it knows it has you.

That is seduction. You are not flirting, you don't want the talk to end there on the street. If you are lucky, you get laid. But this is never intended to trick the woman. The man is really attracted to the lady, and his intention is not evil. He wont dump her after getting into bed. He wants the girl to be his girl. Usually seductive talk is more sweet and concentrated than flirting. But flirting appears to be more artistic.

Between these two, there's something called complimenting. A lot of ladies want to label this flirting but its not. When reality manifests, they think they have been conned. Can't a man or a friend say that you've got luscious lips and mean just that? Can't one say you have a sexy body without flirting or seducing you? Women have different beauty strengths. And a gentleman like me would like to tell you how lucky you are to have those protruding hips. Those sleepy eyes. We are not lying to you. Its true you are attractive and cute. But its not necessarily an advance when we utter these words. Its not seduction, its not flirting, its not lying. This is what is called, complimenting. It means we acknowledge that you are gorgeous without us having the predator prey feeling.

After the historic heartbreak of my my life, I decided to give myself a definite time to stay away from serious relationships. I had done that resolve before, but this time I had more experience and wiser. I knew insufficient love when I saw it. I knew settling for love. And I knew love Is not enough. I kept my eyes wide open and offered myself the position of an observer in the love arena. This time, it would take magic to get me to fall in love. I am sure I had enough strength to kick away love even if it proved true and my heart fell for it. Such strength, no romantic person could believe its so easy.

This was the time I met Buthaina. A half Arab half African who worked in Manama, Bahrain. We met on social media. its easy for Kenyans working abroad to connect, especially those of us working in the middle east. We became friends, then we became close friends. We began discussing relationships, why girls act in a way in some situations and she would ask me about men too. We got these perspectives from each other to give us an edge and understand our catch better the next time we engage. We were so open to each other that it scared me a little. After two weeks, we laid out ground rules for us so that we do not get carried away. Buthaina had her share of heartbreaks same as mine. And after we were clear, one day I flirted with her and she jumped up to ask what was going on? I explained to her, its a simple thing to call her my dear. She didn't seem to know this game pretty well, so I went further to explain that stars are stars and her eyes are her eyes. When the two are brought together using a simile tool, its flirting. I gave other examples of people saying they cant eat or sleep because of loving a woman. All that is flirting and its open. Its easily recognized.

After, I thought flirting could bring us more arguments. So I thought it would be better to do it in very minimal amounts. She is a gorgeous woman. I know this from pictures she sent me that reveal more than her Facebook pictures. The first time I called and heard her voice, I was mesmerized. Such sweetness that I could not describe. This was something I could not keep quiet to. So I complimented her. On her dreamy voice, attractive lips. Cute face. And that smokin body I saw in her picture wearing only a light blouse and a short jeans.

She is a modest woman, humble and girly. I kept complimenting on her alluring goodies and she kept dismissing them for flirtations. I asked her what I should do to make her believe me, and she said she believed words in a poem. I wrote her an emotional one complimenting her beauty and how I was drawn to it. She fell for it. Maybe she fell for me before in our conversations but this seemed to have closed the deal. Next, she was giving me signs of affection and love. I had to be blind to them because this is something I had warned her about before. It became intense until one day she said she could not keep it any longer and that she is in love with me. She said she is not asking for anything, and that her love is enough for both of us.

I looked at this girl from what her friends say about her and her own talk. She is a good girl. Naughty in a safe way, but good. She understands life more than average girls. And on her height and curves and bust, no contest. But I looked at the promise I made to myself. I'm still on the holiday I gave myself. Moreover, I had decided to lean away from distant relationships. I looked at a picture of the girl and I said to myself, I will probably regret this later in my life. An irresistible woman who was good in character, and I let her go? Probably I was the most foolish of men, but this time I had decided to go with my head and principle rather than follow my falling heart. I fell for her, probably she wont know this because I wont say it to her. But I have convinced myself that I did nothing wrong in the process of the game. Did not lie, did not seduce, did not flirt. My compliments seemed like seduction according to how close we had gotten.

Her heart was broken, but she is a big girl. We are still close friends and we continue chatting, calling and sending each other pictures. This time we flirt and she is beginning to like it too. Maybe we will find love on different paths someday. Maybe fate will drive us to crossroads. But as long as the rules of the game are engraved in our consciousness, We will tread with caution and respect the line.